A Twihard's Dilemma

A wonderful site, Reasoning with Vampires (http://reasoningwithvampires.tumblr.com/) take segments of the Twilight saga and points out the flaws in a witty and humorous manner. One of her posts was this:

A Twihard (hard-core Twilight fan) wrote back:

omg this whole damn tumblr is so stupid. they take EVERYTHING out of context. Just because you don’t like something doesn’t mean it’s stupid and doesn’t make sense. The fact that you are spending so much time on something you hate is just mind boggling to me.

p.s.- your argument is invalid because i googled “male raincoat model” and this came up. meaning you searched for the ugliest pictures you could find. you are so cool.

-MeganFrenchie

To begin with, your picture isn't exactly an argument either. It's simply another picture that, roughly translated, means "Humans wear raincoats too". As Reasoning with Vampires has stated numerous times, her tumblr is not time-consuming. We don't like the books because they're nonsensical and stupid--you're just not really grasping that relationship. I read the whole saga, she doesn't take things out of context. Capitalize the letter at the beginning of the sentence, it's proper punctuation. Swearing doesn't make your point, it's simply crude. You seem to be a bit confused about how to construct a proper sentence--you would rewrite that one sentence like so: If you dislike something, it does not make it stupid and nonsensical. You can't use double negatives--it cancels out the meaning of the sentence. It is very funny to see you get worked up like this. Clearly you think these are good books so I feel the need to remind you that when Bella's first boyfriend (Edward) breaks up with her, she jumps off a cliff. Now don't say "yeah, but into water" because I will then point out that it is a fact that jumping from more than twenty feet above water (and surely if it's a cliff it's taller than that) you will be ripped limb from limb. Furthermore, you will note she then sees Edward in a fit of delusion and tries to drown herself to be with this mirage. It is not healthy. Finally, you can't speak sarcastically in type. No one can hear you, thus ability to recognize sarcasm is rendered moot.

And here we come to the core of my post, a Twihard's dilemma. A very difficult position presents itself: defend your fandom and sound like an inarticulate fool or let the truth be told.

I Scare Myself Sometimes

today, whilst aimlessly skimming along the internet (who needs Bing? clicking on every link that comes your way is a great time killer and has the bonus effect of being amusing) I came across a photo that looked something like this:

The caption said "violet-winged butterfly". 
I read "violent-wig butter moth".

Curse you, brain.

Hogwarts Acceptance Letters

Let's face it; everyone wants to go to Hogwarts. Honestly, why wouldn't a person choose to go to a magical castle? Unfortunately, 12-year-olds around the world must accept the harsh reality that they are not, in actuality, a witch or wizard. Despite the fervent wishing and the fantasies lingering in their minds about how they, too, could face Voldemort and have incredible powers they are not "The Chosen One". Some already knew, deep in their hearts, that such a thing could not exist. There was no history of attending Hogwarts in the family and they hadn't exhibited any extraordinary abilities. Perhaps they clung to the faint hope that they would be a muggleborn- it would not be such a hardship, enduring the name of "mudblood" if only they could brandish a wand. Others simply never saw Hogwarts as a place. It was purely fictitious, only reachable by J.K. Rowling's stretch and twist of their imagination. But the majority, the die-hard fans who found the book was more than just ink on paper, believed. They believed like the Darling children believed in fairies*. If you were one of these fans before the age of 11, you simply knew an envelope, addressed in green script as to your exact location, would appear at your doorstep. It was true that nothing spectacular had occurred around you, but that was surely just a glitch. Perhaps there was a psychological block preventing you from seeing it--maybe you were an underveloped master of magic. But you were absolutely positive that in just a few years time you would be strolling through the halls on your way to potions instead of science. But alas, the saying is true "we all secretly cried when we didn't get our Hogwarts Acceptance Letter". The disappointment was almost unbearable as you sat through another math lesson, wanting to stick a rusty fork in your eye because of the sheer boredom of those horrid workbooks. As for me, I wasn't upset during fifth grade, the american equivalent of a 1st year. I had a backup plan. There were two possible times one would get into Hogwarts: when fifth grade rolled around or when they turned eleven. This provided me with two options. Since I was a year younger than most of my classmates, I would be 10 during fifth grade. Therefore, I would either receive my sealed letter the summer before, or after when I turned eleven. It made sense- I would only be about a month older than Harry and I was fairly sure Ron was about six months older than me. So when sixth grade came, my disappointment was immense. It was a difficult burden to bear, leaving a cloud of sadness in the back of my mind. My plans were about as successful as playing keep-it-up with a lead balloon. But I was beyond crying. And now I am still at my muggle school, going to boring muggle lessons but contenting myself with the fact that at least I'm not a squib and don't have to watch my parents be all awesome. Unless having eyes in the back of your head qualifies as magic.

Crushed Dreams

*Peter Pan Reference

Long-time no see

I haven't posted in a while. Do you know why? Not much has happened. It's summer, which means going to bed at 2 am and waking up again at noon. Also I've been in Florida for two weeks. We saw a couple of dolphins which have been named Flipper and Indigo-Manami and there was no oil (we were in the pan handle). This makes me very happy, coupled with the fact that the leak has been capped. But since then everything interesting has ceased to occur. Oh, wait, update: something slightly interesting is happening right now! My brother is playing Michael Myers, an unofficial online Call of Duty game based on the killing technique of the main character of Halloween-whoever is MM may only use knives and only the last alive on the opposing team can kill him (just with knives). oh, and my cat is rubbing against velcro. It will be interesting to see how that turns out. But really, that's it.

A Sad Defeat

We lost to Ghana in the FIFA World Cup. This is a very tragic event because it is the second time we've lost to them in said World Cup. Furthermore the Cup only comes around every 4 years so as you can see, this is doubly sad. But have you seen the weird victory dance the Ghanains do? Honestly, I've never seen something like that! They were moving their hips all over the place! Does that not strike you as even the slightest bit feminine? Also, this was the first soccer game I've watched. Yes, ever. Anyway, when the players started taking off their shirts I found it a little odd--it was supposed to be kinda cold over there. When they exchanged jerseys it started to make sense though. Back to the point--it was a sad and emotionally crushing defeat, particularly since the players might not be able to come back next time. And I mean, come on! We're the USA--we do NOT lose! What is this? I think the proper soundtrack for the end of the game is 'It's the End of the World as We Know It (And I Feel Fine)'

Cat vs. Pipe Cleaners

I believe at this point you are well acquainted with Fiona. She has lots of toys, accumulated over the course of several christmases--most are birds or mice. But she has gotten crafty and found a new toy in our craft room (get it now: crafty--craft room? eh?). She has found pipe cleaners. She believes these to be some strange alien creatures and I know this because she routinely attacks them. Every once in a while she pulls one of the craft room and pounces on it. She then jumps back, stares at it (flicking her tail viciously) and proceeds to pounce again. Usually when she bats at it the fuzzy wire skids a little and this supports her theory of "it's alive, I'm only defending the territory". So she "chases" it around the house, eventually growing bored and leaving it in the hallway. It then mysteriously disappears, which I suspect has something to do with the dog, Mae. So in the course of this epic battle I suppose Fiona wins because an inanimate object really can't win, can it?

Message in a...Puppy?

a puppy picture is a great way to communicate. The adorableness of the puppy prevents any anger from being cast upon you. For example:

If you want to be comforted:

If you want to make it clear your girlfriend is off limits to others:

If you want to exert influence over someone:

If you want to make it clear you have a learning disability:

Finally, if you want to make it clear you are the absolute center of attention at all times:

Do you see? Puppy messages are the best messages.